I hate exclamation marks. Period.

I quite irrationally hate exclamation marks.  I mean, I quite irrationally really hate exclamation marks. Do you see how I wrote that? No need for the loud downward stroke and its perky little period friend who sits below it.  You can actually say what you need to say without it.  Without the wild enthusiasm.  Without the ruckus and hullabaloo and written yelling.

 You can also say what you need to say without – I can barely even say this – two exclamation marks. Now it’s not because I’m some kind of pedant that I hate them.  I’m no English schoolteacher with a too-tight bun and too much time since my last lay who feels the need to tell everyone to only use it after an exclamation or injection. No, no it’s not that.  Then what you ask?  It’s just a form of punctuation.   Surely there are greater things to expend hatred on – like the idea of Donald Trump as POTUS and bloggers who are famous who are not me and towels that are no longer really white and backpackers and the butts of strangers that rub against you in public transport and uni?  (Uni is mermaid poo and you know it.) What would make someone hate a form of punctuation with such deep-seated conviction?

 Well, it’s the people who use them. Now let me give us all some exclamation mark amnesty here.  We all use them.  The language of social media and texts – or short message systems means we all scatter them round when we are “Late!” or “So happy!” or can’t think of anything to say on someone’s timeline other than “Happy Birthday Jonathan!” Just “Happy Birthday Jonathan.” would admittedly be a bit of a grim greeting.  You probably wouldn’t be invited to the party and you wouldn’t be able to say “Yay!” when you RSVP.  So relax, you can say “You’re looking so young Sue!” all over any sms or social media communication to me and I will not hate you or your perky punctuation.  Whatsapp me now.  And thank you.  I’ve been working out. See I what I did there?  I just said thank you, period.

I believe my dislike is for the perpetually overly effusive people who simply cannot help punching away at the top left of their keyboard, like they have either lost control of their emotions, or have not stopped to consider the array of other adult reactions they could have.  The ones who live as if everything is a text. 

 You know them too.  They are the ones who send emails marked “URGENT!” when in actual fact they should be labelled “LOWEST PRIORITY IN THE WORLD”. And yes, they also use CAPS with the exclamation point.  That’s written screaming.  Anything so urgent you have to scream it should probably be said in person. To 911. 

They are the People Magazine of people who send mails that say, “You won’t believe this!”, and you don’t because it’s really not that hard.

They are the one’s who get snippy and write things like, “We have discussed this!“ and “How dare you?!!!”  They also love the combination question and exclamation.   They are the one’s who send the emails that read, “Cute!!!!” and you find yourself hoping their saccharine overload sends you into a diabetic coma so you can be freed from their noxious sentimentality.  Or they send “This is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!” and it never ever is. Come on, what could possibly be so funny it was worthy of eight exclamation marks?  I mean that’s a pretty big set up there so you’ve got to follow with something so damn funny.  Not even Donald Trump, greyish white towels and all other more famous bloggers and backpackers and strangers’ butts being thrown into a giant pool of uni would be eight exclamation marks funny.  In fact for eight exclamation marks I actually want to die laughing, collapse, having run out of air.  In fact this blog post serves partly as my will, if you send me something that is eight exclamation marks funny I want my name to appear in a paper with the headline “Girl Dies Laughing!”  That’s right, with an exclamation mark.  But I digress. 

 My point is exclamation mark users are a type.  Or maybe we have all become this type.  With a short emotional range of “Stressed!” and  “Busy!” to “So freaking excited!” and “Yay!!!!”  Maybe its because we live out loud now and being successful, having an opinion, or being fabulous and having a fabulous time are all we care to share.  I do wonder if we can’t all just calmly get along without what starts to come across as feigned enthusiasm, or perpetual aggression.  What if it took more than just two words to say how things are? What if we took the time to write a whole, thoughtful sentence? Or maybe actually just spoke to one another? Said what we needed to say in person? What if we let one another in not just on the exclamation points of our life, but just life?  That’s my question. And my kind of punctuation.